I texted a guy to non-confirm our second date the day before we agreed to meet up. It was a non-confirm as I knew we weren't going, but I wanted him to get some balls and tell me. You see, J and I went out the prior Thursday to Southwark for cocktails, and found we had a lot in common: we both love to go to the Wissahickon, went to rival high schools, he lives in Germantown--which is where I lived in high school--, his company does business with mine, and we even know people in common. After the two-hour date, he waited til the next morning to ask me out again, and I agreed. While we had things in common, there were big differences, like he doesn't like the city and I'm planning to move more into the thick of it this summer. But he was cute and active, and I felt comfortable with him because he got where I came from, and vice-versa.
So we made our second date. But when the day before it came and I hadn't heard from him, I knew he had no intention of keeping it. Even though we only went out once, it's rude to blow someone off, and I was not about to get stood up.
Me: Hey, J-are we still on for tomorrow?
Him: S-gotta b honest w.u-met someone & I want to devote my time to her. sorry for the late notice.
It was fine, and I didn't write back, but it got me thinking: maybe I'm not as great a catch as I think I am.
And I told my friend this over wine and cheese yesterday afternoon.
Good friend that she is, she told me I am. She enumerated reasons I am a catch, and enumerated reasons why it didn't work out with me and J, or whomever else.
I told her I had this crazy notion once that would be a great experiment; go out with every guy who asks me out.
People say I'm picky, so what if I become UNpicky. Go out with guys who I think are wrong for me. Don't fit what I'm looking for. Not my physical type.
She laughed and said it would be interesting, but unrealistic as you can't go out with every guy who asks you out. But maybe my goal should be one a week. I agreed that's a good target, so here I go. We'll see how/if this works.
And if any of you want to help me with this project, let me know--open to suggestions and set ups. Also open to your thoughts and if yo think this is a bad idea... though I'll likely do it anyway. I'm stubborn like that.
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I think it would be interesting too but you'll have to be careful - as you know, there are a lot of douche bags out there and if you really can't stand to be in the same room as the guy (and he still asks you out), don't go out with him just for the experiment's sake. And guys can get the wrong idea - just because you agree to go out with a guy once doesn't mean you're so totally in to him and are giving him the green light to pester you or assume that you want more than just one date if it doesn't work out. Either way, it'll be good practice for you, especially in "letting a guy down easy"!
ReplyDeleteAnd...umm...what's with the self-deprecation? What happened to my confident fabulous friend - you ARE a catch ya big dummy (*wink*)- you just have to find the right guy. xoxo
@Anon: I talk a big game, but we all know I'm too picky to actually let this happen. Sounded good. And already behind on the game--have no dates skedded for this week. Not that I couldn't still try to make one happen, but not sure I have the time or inclination to participate in my own dating study.
ReplyDeleteA good (and smart) friend of mine said that moving to Philly wouldn't solve all my problems. Problems being a good place to live, work, and a good man. While dating has been easier and more plentiful, I guess I thought I'd be through dating by now and with the man of my dreams. Self-deprication came when I realized he's not here, she was right, and I decided to throw myself a pity party. A better use of my time would be to concoct cockamamie schemes to not be single rather than dwell on the fact that I am, as one is likely to lead to a better outcome. Onwards and upwards... and thanks for the positive words. xoxo